Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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