you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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