I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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