kristin has been a bad kristin
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
