Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
