I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
