Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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