Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
