girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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