last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
