you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
