This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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