You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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