I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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