even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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