It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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