I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
His nipple licking is glorious
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