he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
