You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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