While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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