I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize