I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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