shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
