ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
