see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
