im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
