Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize