what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
