Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
