I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
