i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
