"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
