i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
