You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
