it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
