Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
