she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
