he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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