I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
