The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
