I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
