Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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