THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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