I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
