Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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