At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
