I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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