I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
