You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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