I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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