halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Im part way to drunk.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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