my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
