she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
