Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
