Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
