I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
there is glitter all over my balls
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize