If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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