just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
