We're facebook friends in real life
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
