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omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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