I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This is classic penis vs brain.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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