i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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