ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize