My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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