is wine microwaveable?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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