Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
