Don't you send me to vm
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
