Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
