We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
